When you're somewhere causes pain,
Such as in a railway train
Never read my comic verse,
It will make the pain much worse!

But if the pain is far from funny,
Or when you run out of money
Try and read my sober stuff,
That will make you laugh enough!


If you seem to be too meek
People never let you speak,
But if you will blow your trumpet
Other people have to lump it !


Were we always very formal
How the deuce could we be normal?
If we always had a row
Where rhe deuce would we be now?

Life becomes a fearful blight
When we have to be polite.
Its such a waste of time to fight
And broken noses are a sight!

If we never made a queue
What would little people do?
If we spend our time in queues
Think of all the time we lose!

I'm sorry that my pen intrudes
With paradoxic platitudes.